I have family problems. So what happened to cynical man? I was pondering and I decided that it would be a good time to post something on my weblog when I wasn't too cynical and wasn't too depressed. What morals or thoughts will you get out of this? I don't know, but I had the urge to type this out and post it on my online diary for everyone to see. Like I said, I have family problems. I'm very jealous to see others with good relationships with their dads. I openly admit that I don't have a good relationship with my dad. It's unfortunate to see both of us with very different views on life and everything we do. It's fortunate though, to have a father. I have other family problems too, but most people don't know this. I know that my family won't be happy to see this, but I believe it's important for me to share my feelings. We also have family problems with my mom's and dad's side. Sometimes I feel like yelling at all of them to basically, "shut up, sit down and solve our problems like civilized people." It's probably been one of the biggest problems I've had. I've also hurt a person to a point that there's absolutely nothing to turn things around. It is very regretful but when you're someone like me who's very cynical and can push things beyond the limit, there's no turning back. Most people will tell me there's usually hope, but in reality, there's basically nothing much that can be done. This has affected my social life a lot. Lots of things have changed, like recently, I left a group of friends because I believed that it would be best to stay away from them for a while. Why you might ask? Change. Sometimes you just need a little time away from things and slowly make your way back. That's the case with me, not necessarily with everyone else. Why did I even make this post? Because I know people do care about me and will help me, and I'm very grateful for that.

For some strange reason, I wanted to talk about two other things. One, being that I used to be very jealous when people said, "my father's a doctor," or even, "my mother's an accountant." Why would I ever be jealous of that? My family is poor. Many jokes have been made about my family status. I've grown used to these jokes and they don't offend me anymore. I used to be really mad when people would make fun of me because my mom was a waitress or my dad worked at a hotel. Who wouldn't? I look back now, and things I've thought of to become tolerant to these jokes have been wild and elaborate. My mom is a waitress, my dad is a repairman, and I'm now very proud of that. They were poor when they were little. They didn't experience the childhood like we do, just like many other parents. There are lots of things my friends and others don't know, but when they do, I think their opinions will change about my parents. They've gone this far so that I can live in Sandstone. So that I can have a piano. So that I have an Isometric Yonex racquet for leisure. That's amazing.

Second, I made this weblog account because I liked someone very much. It sounds really, really retarded, but that's the main reason. Do I still like that person? Maybe. I don't know what they would think of me right now, but it's true. Talking to my friend, I found that they were very open about relationships. Maybe I should, but I'm still very cynical these days.

I think in the end, my main point was to spend more time with your family, to treasure whatever they give, and to treasure that father-son, father-daughter, mother-son or mother-daughter relationship. And also, never, ever hurt your friends.

Man... no one reads these... anyways I've directed my interests from NS and gambling to composing music. I'm currently working on a string quartet entitled Fuzzio in G Major because I can't think of a name. I really want to compose modern music though, but it's the hardest thing to do (no, I'm not talking about lip-syncing or singing with no musical talent and just your pretty face). I hope to finish this piece sometime in June.

Currently Playing Do You Realize 2 By Flaming Lips see related

I feel very bad right now cause I screwed everyone's lives over in NationStates today. There will be no more nationstates for me now. I'm a failure. I couldn't even help protect one measily region. I'm going to depart back to Brigandia. Urg... what a horrible day. And you know what's even worse? When I tried to help that region become free from the stupid Sameerean Commonwealth, I lost a fricking friend becuase I was so obsessed with nationstates. Yea.. because is spelled wrong in the previous sentence. Urg... I wish I could change how things were running but I can't now everyone is against me. Urg.. today was such a horrible day. But I learned a lot today. I learned that I'm too quick on things. I do things before I really consider the consequences which is very bad. Don't do that unless you somehow have stupid backstabbers in your region that say you're a backstabber because you tried to help. Backstabbing sucks. Oh well, this is just my blab when I'm down, on the outside I'm still going to be very mean and cruel, especially to Farouq because he got a fricking 100 for handing in 2 assignments late. I also learned that I like to complain a lot. That will probably never change. I think after this, I finally learned what it means to be a Christian. Somehow I just finally know what it means. Trying only leads to a road of DESTRUCTION but then i feel real bad if I don't do something because I see all my allies fall in the region and then I'm like "oh my gosh, why didn't I do that" Enough with the silly ditzy talk, no seriously I think I'm ready to take the first few steps in being a Christian. I really do. I just.. needa read more and pray more. You know, stuff where your friends think you're extremely weird and the rest of your family goes "why should we believe in God?" amd then you're like "I don't know how to answer that" and then you go to church and you're scared becuase all the people there are like 18 to 30 something and you dont' really know them cause you don't go to church a lot. That was a long sentence. Yea, i needa get the hang of it. I also learned that I have two differnet personalities. One is the cruel and mean jeremy that goes around and laughs at people and picks on farouq cause he can't do anything, and the second one is where I become all nice and depressed. I think people like the second one, but I hate it becuase it annoys me how people become so sympathetic for me so I've given up on that one and just go with number one which is the cool people and the stomp on others who block and obstruct the azn crew. Yea.. probably that's not what I'm supposed to do becuase I'm a Christian and all, but I don't know how to get rid ofthat. THere's still a lot of holes in my life that I personally don't know how to fix and probably won't fix becuase I'm too lazy and don't wanna become dependant on people like you who read these amazingly long paragraphs and entries that I put out now. It's real cold in the basement, it feels like -10. Anyways, those are the two main things I've learned. I've learned that I can be so annoying that it can cost someone to never ever talk to me again. I've learned that forcing someone to hate you is bad. You always kind of ponder and look back at things you once had, and then regret your actions. THat's kinda like me, except I can't and don't wanna do anything about it. Don't go around hacking people's emails and going REDFACE to them in order to get them to hate you. It'll cost you a bundle. In conclusion, don't be like me, cause i'll probably end up in a not very nice place after I die even though I'm a Christian becuase i have way too many mental problems to deal with. ALso, don't start things that you aren't sure of, especially if you deem one thing bad and think that all they're going ot do is bad stuff. Unless it's the Sameeran Commonwealth. Actually I don't even know about them. I'm scared to know if I did the right thing or not. I only know I tried and that's wrong, but if I didn't then I would be called helpless and a fool for just sitting there on my bum watching some region invade another one without helping. I need help. Serious mental help. I like homestarrunner.com that's gotta be sad but I think it's funny and the people there do it for a living and get money. Weird eh? Yea, I think it's pretty weird. I wanna have people who can understand me and help me, but becuase i Have too many friends that think that's werid, I've given up on that and gone to my mutliple personalities function which is real stupid and gets you into a lot of trouble and no worth it sympathy. Don't be like me. Be like.... a good role model ... like some guy how gets good grades and knows how to treat other people with respect and don't mess around with their emotions and don't go around hacking into emails and purposely calling them names in order to get them to hate you for eternity. Yea, that's about it. I'm going to sob over my Nation on Nationstates and then move onto some other gay game like hobowars. And then this will occur again... and again... and some person like me will start rambling again like I am right now. I'm kinda depressed but good that i got this out. Now i"m going to go back to personality number 1, where it's always cheerful and spam and annoying everyone day. And where i get to make fun of people. HAHAHAHAH. and then go sorry that was just a joke. HAHAHHAHAH. See ya.

*Yes, this is a very weird post. I know. I have too much time on my hands.